Listening: 5 Essential Tips
How to become a better listener
by Amber Dalsin, M.Sc., C.Psych.
Listening is not just about words hitting your eardrums; it's about building love and trust with your partner.
Have you ever thought...
I want a more peaceful relationship
I want to be heard
I wish I was understood
If you have, you, your partner or both of you might struggle with listening. Maybe you are trying to listen, but despite good intentions distractions got the best of you, or your response unknowingly conveys the wrong message.
To help you become a better listener, create peace in your relationship and demonstrate you’re hearing your partner, here are 5 steps tips that can help.
1. Pay attention
Being a good listener means being active in the listening process. Take your ear buds out, put your phone down, and look at your partner. Demonstrate you are listening by using eye contact or using non-verbal cues like nodding to show you're engaged. Small gestures like leaning in or lightly touching their hand can make your partner feel like you’re really paying attention.
2. Validate Their Perspective
You do not need to agree with your partner’s perspective or even really understand their perspective to validate their perspective. What you’re saying is you accept and aren’t judging their perspective. What you are attempting to say is “your view is valid and worthy of respect”.
4. Express Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of another, to understand their point of view, and why they feel the way they do. Theresa Wiseman outlines four qualities to help us empathize in her 4 Attributes of Empathy. It might not come naturally to some, but with effort and practice it’s possible.
1. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes
2. Do not judge
3. Consider your partner’s feelings
4. Communicate your understanding
5. Ask if They Just Want to Share or if They Want Solutions
Before jumping in with advice or solution, ask your partner if they want solutions or just to vent. Sometimes just venting is all someone needs to feel support and like they got what they needed.
By practicing these listening skills, you not only become a better communicator, but also build love and trust in your relationship. The better listener you are, the less misunderstandings you will have.
Make an effort to become a better listener. Practice these tips daily with your partner and notice the impact they have on your connection. You have the power to cultivate deeper connection and a more meaningful relationship.
For more on how to be a great listener, check out the blog 6 Ways to Become a Better Listener.
This blog is not meant to be a substitute for couples therapy or relationship counselling. This should not be construed as specific advice. See a relationship therapist in your area to address your specific problems.